I think Vanessa Hudgens sure is feeling good right about now. I mean, REALLY good – as it seems that she’ll soon be joined on the list of "Disney teenage wonders who took off their clothes" by yet another Hollywood hottie – the singing sensation Miley Cyrus a.k.a. Hannah Montana, who shows every sign of being ready to step in Vanessa’s footsteps and show her naked self to the world. I’m not sure how many of you were actually rooting for a couple of Miley Cyrus naked shots (just to make it clear – there are no such photos available YET) but I have a feeling you won’t have to wait too long now. And no, I’m not kidding on that one – although I can’t help wondering what is it with these Disney girls that makes them so ready, willing and able to get involved in scandals involving compromising shots of themselves and that somehow manage to get leaked onto the Internet.

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Jessica "look at me, I’m so much better than you" Alba is pregnant and the whole world knows that. She’s also one of the most annoying and glum-looking celebrities out there – well, at least that’s how she looks on 90% of the times she’s photographed in public, and we also know that her patronizing attitude has managed to annoy a whole lot of other (more talented and open-minded) celebrities out there. But the fact remains, Jessica is pregnant, and this simple fact seems to be messing with her brain so much, that she’s actually ended up talking about some pretty strange things – such as being afraid that having a baby will destroy her breasts.

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Oh, boy! This is truly shocking news. Now, hands up those of you who ever thought they would live to see a photo of Mariah Carey hiding her naked breasts behind her own arms and hair, a magazine, a glass of champagne and not much else except that. I mean, don’t get me wrong – I definitely haven’t forgotten who I’m talking about, and yes, I know that Mariah usually wears dresses that leave little to the imagination. Pardon my lack of explicitness – I should have mentioned that she wears slutty dresses that look like they were bought at a shabby eighties-themed store and that leave little to the imagination. And in case you need a little reminder. Just as an afterthought – how many ribs do you think the feisty Mimi had removed and how many days do you think it took her to prepare for this one shot? Kidding…

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I think someone should call NASA stat – and ask them to do an extra-careful outer space scan, because I’m sure some cosmic disaster is headed our way – otherwise I can’t possibly explain how come Brit Brit decided to show for her scheduled deposition with Mark Vincent Kaplan, K-Fed’s attorney. I’m sure the end of the world is near. I can feel it. I mean, Brit Brit showing up for a court-appointed depo without being too late and without exposing her a*s or flashing her tampon? That’s gotta be a first. What am I talking about – she should go down in Guinness Book of Records. OK, I may be exaggerating just a tiny bit here – but I suddenly feel like I’m living in an alien world, on an alien planet. Britney Spears, THE Britney Spears, doing something that someone else is asking of her? I don’t know who I am anymore.

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Now don’t you just feel like the sun suddenly came out after a long, gray, miserable rainy day? I mean, it’s been so long since we last saw a genuine photo genuinely depicting Lindsay Lohan’s a*s – and now here it is, a miracle cure for blues and depression. Just what the doctor ordered! I’m kidding, of course – well, about the "miracle" part – and no, don’t look at me like that, I haven’t lost my memory, nor have I been run over by a truck. I perfectly remember the fact that we’ve pretty much seen LiLo’s exposed private parts and that there’s not a whole lot we haven’t glimpsed or guessed – but still, you must admit that ever since she came back to the LA party scene after a lengthy (and useless, it would seem) stay at that Utah rehab center, Lindsay has been wearing mostly black, and hasn’t been showing too much skin.

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Katie Holmes is definitely one controversial celebrity. Her transformation from a happy, care-free and smiling Dawson’s Creek alumn to the sophisticated but robotic wife of Scientology zealot Tom Cruise, a woman who says all the right things at the right time but only seems to smile one every two days. And yes, I do admit I am disappointed in Katie – a feeling I admit I kept mostly for myself in the past months, because I was afraid that part of me was blaming Katie for some of her husband’s not-so-sane antics. And it’s true that recently we’ve all been exposed to a lot of information, drama and a fair share of conspiracy theories regarding Tom, Katie and their allegiance to Scientology, the strange sci-fi cult to which they seem to have dedicated their lives. But Katie’s career was exempt from all this – or so I thought – until I realized that as much as we’d like to deny it, being married to "the biggest movie star in the world" (as Katie calls her husband) has taken its toll on her – and it’s not good news.

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I think something is seriously wrong with the people at Hello magazine – but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think I’ll just present you with the facts and then just… let you be the judges. But I must warn you, you’re in for some shocking news – so better sit down, grab a cup of coffee and some Vicodins… I mean, vitamins and relax. Here are the amazing facts. Hello magazine has an annual "Most Attractive and Most Elegant" series of polls, which they boast as an "annual event that draws interest from around the globe and has readers clicking in their thousands". And while I believe them when they say that, I still think that something must be terribly wrong with their electronic equipment, something that would generate fake poll results and screw with the real number of votes cast to some of the nominees in each poll. Otherwise, I can’t possibly imagine some of the absolutely anomalous results – have a look for yourslves and gasp in horror. And then we’ll talk some more.

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Everyone, it’s official: the Sundance Film Festival in Utah is the new Hollywood rage, the IT place, the place to be. Which is a pity, because the largest independent cinema festival in the States is slowly turning into a parade ground for a lot of Hollywood… well, not yet rejects, but certainly D-listers, who, as always, are readily available to make the most of the spotlight and media attention. I’m not talking about the festival as such, but about the whole accompanying suite of parties, parties and… well, parties that seem to slowly build a whole new side of the festival. A new Sundance glitzy-glam rage seems to be developing these days and I don’t like its superficial air in the slightest. But hey, since it’s a source of fresh information and a good pretext to gossip a little bit (more) on who’s there and what’s their pretext and so on, we may as well try to make the most of it.

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Well, I can’t pretend to actually be surprised by the fact that Kate Moss had not so much a birthday party as a birthday orgy. I mean, what did you expect from the freshly-turned-34 queen of coke? When I first heard about Kate Moss and her big birthday bash, I had this image of medieval-style feast, with a huge hall and a large wooden table in the middle of the room, with wooden chairs and a big wooden throne at one end, and where everybody would be wearing big dresses on crinolines and acting like depraved, drunken aristocrats. Well, it turns out that my medieval vision was not so far from the truth as you might imagine, seeing how we’re getting not so much leaks as floods of news (and the inevitable rumors, of course) about just how much fun everybody had at Kate’s birthday orgy. And I have to warn you on this one, it’s not pretty.

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I have to say, Courtney love has really outdone herself this time. I mean, we all know the sometimes-drugged-out, now supposedly clean former wife of Curt Kobain is no beauty queen, but there were times – rare, it’s true, but nevertheless – when she looked almost human. I said "almost". The fact is – and I may regret saying this, but I’ll take the chance – whenever I see a celebrity looking as if she’s the Evil Witch and has just stepped out of a Disney classic, the first thing I always wonder is "how could anyone have done that to her"? If I were paying a whole load of money to someone to style my hair and ended up looking like that, I think they would need to throw me in jail to keep me from wrecking the stylist’s face. Joking. OK, maybe I would not resort to physical violence, but I would be majorly annoyed. I mean, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what looks good on someone – and usually, women have their own inner aesthetic sense. Bout not in this case.

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